Graves, Slaves, and Knaves (1999)
by John Patrick Michael Murphy
The Jews don't offer a damn thing once you're dead. Jehovah didn't give the Jews a heaven to yearn for, or, a hell to fear. Afterlife is an oxymoron. The Old Testament had sacrifices and massacres aplenty, but no funeral services. To the Jews, it is all right here, this heaven - this hell, then the grave. That's one good thing to know, in case the Jews are right and your religion turns out to be a drone - you may have been mistaken about Jesus, or Freethought, or even Allah, but you won t have to go to Hell for it.
The Trinity runs everyone through its judicial system all at once. With a docket like that, there is no time for a trial; you just get a verdict. You have no right to speak to the Court. Your guilt or innocence is based upon your belief. If you lived rightly, but believed wrongly, you go to Hell. If you lived wrongly, but believed rightly, you go to Heaven, [according to the writer of John 3:36; 15:6; Titus 3:5; Gal. 2:21]. Their Hell is beyond awful - endless anguish, with a Niagara of shrieking souls pouring in each day. Once in, even the omnipotent Trinity can't get you out.
Upon death, Islam allows you a trial before Allah, and a chance to speak. The verdict of Heaven or Hell is based upon your earthly conduct. The suras of the Koran provide that a "virtuous infidel" will go to Paradise. If you did more good than harm, no matter what you believed, you enter Paradise - if not, to Hell with you. If you lived rightly.., or mostly rightly...or,... even somewhat rightly, you go to Paradise! A tie goes to the sinner. That's the rule. Islam's Hell is similar to The Trinity's, except, it is much smaller, and, Allah can spring you, if he has a notion. If I have to go to a Hell, I hope it's the one Allah built.
When it comes to their respective heavens, it's slaves or knaves. The Christian Heaven is about adoring The Trinity - the Islam Paradise is about hedonism. The Christian Heaven is a place, expressly designed, so as to tempt its inmates, to look over at Hell, and feel a growing envy. The Trinity is so fond of worship and adoration, that half of your time is spent adoring, and the other half, worshipping.
The fifty-sixth sura describes Allah's Paradise. First off, you get a "garden of delight." In the garden, someone put "inwrought couches," where you can lie down - not as a tired old tank, like here on earth, but as an "ever blooming youth." Next, somebody comes with an ass load of "flowing wines" of noble vintage, along with your "favorite fruits." Plus, you eat your "favorite bird," whenever you want. This is just the start.
Now that you are set up, out comes the real acabaca - you get houris - seven of them. All for you. Each "houri with dark eyes" is "ever virgin," and ever ready. Do you understand that these women are specially outfitted with regenerating vaginas? Do you realize that when these saucy babes aren't making big eyes at you, they're waiting on you, hand and foot, bringing you stuff? Moreover, when you want to rest up, they make heavenly music while giving you rub-downs, and such. Women, according to the 57th section of the fourth sura, get the same treatment, except, they have "young lovers" instead of houris. What's more, women don't have to wear gunnysacks, but may, if they fancy them.
Christian prelates say they can't understand why they lose so many of their own to Islam, and gain so few converts, from Islam, in return. Do you think they're thick, or are they having us on?
"Graves, Slaves, and Knaves" is copyright © 1999 by John Patrick Michael Murphy.
The electronic version is copyright © 1999 Internet Infidels with the written permission of John Patrick Michael Murphy.