Atheist Jokes 1
A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as an atheist snuggling up to a beautiful woman.
“That’s unfair!” he cried. “I have to roast for all eternity, and that atheist gets to spend it with a beautiful woman.”
“Shut up,” barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork. “Who are you to question that woman’s punishment?”
Having passed on, the atheist found himself with the devil in a room filled with clocks. Each clock turned at a different speed and was labeled with the name of a different group. After examining all the clocks, the atheist turned to the devil and said, “I have two questions. First, why does each clock move at a different speed?”
“They turn at the rate at which that group's members sin on earth,” replied the devil. “What’s your second question?”
“Well,” said the atheist. “I can’t seem to find my group. Where is the atheists’ clock?”
Puzzled, the devil scanned the room. “Oh, yes!” he finally exclaimed. “We keep that clock in the workshop and use it for a fan.”
After years of hard work, Joe took his first vacation on a luxury cruise ship. In a deck chair, he recognized a former high school classmate, a long-lost friend from his old hometown.
He crossed the deck, seized the fellow’s hand and said: “Hello, Pete. I haven’t seen you in years. Are you still as God-fearing as ever?”
“Actually I’m an atheist now,” whispered Pete. “But don’t tell mother. She thinks I’m still a drug-crazed cult member.”